My wife did not grow up in this country, so she does not understand football. This weekend, while sitting with me and the boys watching a game, she offered this trenchant analysis: “They pile on top of each other a lot. I hope they wear deodorant.”

You don’t get that on ESPN.
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Dog, j’accuse. My dog is a traitor. She has sold me out for the price of a warm coat and a cushion. My wife bought the dog a coat and a fluffy bed. I told her that my dog would never wear a coat, and has no interest in a fluffy bed, that she is very happy sleeping on the floor next to my side of the bed.

My dog loves the coat on cold, wet days, and now only sleeps on the fluffy bed.

I no longer trust anything my dog tells me. I don’t even know who she is anymore.