I’m sitting at Starbucks, drinking my very masculine skim latte, overhearing a 30-something women pitching her financial planning services. I wanted to lean over and offer this tip: nobody cares about how your philosophy of life aligns with your approach to business. They care about what you can deliver. Just say that, simply.

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I’ve hurt my back. Thus far, the only thing that seems to help is whining incessantly about it. The good thing is, I really do think my wife finds a 49-year-old man who whines constantly to be sexy. Wouldn’t you think so?

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I’m realizing, safety is making it a lot harder to be a parent of a small child today than when my kids were little. For example, they just said you can’t give cold medicine to children under the age of four. What do you give them, brandy? How is a parent supposed to survive a sick infant or toddler if somebody can’t take drugs? And take booster car seats. Now they tell parents to have kids ride in booster seats until they are, like, 30. What a pain. I was so glad to get rid of kids’ car seats. You ever try to put those things in a car? Ever try to slam a toddler down into one, pull the strap over his head, and latch it without getting kicked somewhere sensitive? I guess, for my children, we were just the Years of Living Dangerously. Good.