Twenty years ago, I was involved in the seemingly unending fights over interracial adoption – specifically, should white parents be allowed to adopt black children? The organization I worked for, and represented in the media, believed the answer should be yes. I was even labeled a racist in one major newspaper.

Part of the argument against allowing such adoptions was the “who will teach” argument, as in who will teach these children how to navigate an inherently racist society. My answer at the time was, I’d rather see these children trying to figure it out with parents (in this case white) than trying to figure out anything in a foster care system that was increasingly betraying their futures.

I had such a “who will teach” moment of my own yesterday, at the mall – where so many of my important parenting moments seem to happen (loyal Blogenberg readers will recognize that!). I took my 13-year-old twins shopping. Each of them, the girl and the boy, armed with a cell phone and “safe shopping” instructions, were allowed to shop on their own, while I stayed available in the mall.

The “safe shopping” instructions for my boy included one not offered my daughter. “You’re a teenaged boy of color,” I told him. “You have to realize that many of the clerks and store managers will watch you very closely, will expect that you are there to steal something. Be careful. Say and do nothing that will make them think you are up to no good. You’re a good boy, but they won’t think that. They might just assume you’re trouble. And that could lead to trouble for you.”

I’ve never figured I can teach my kids what it’s like to be a minority. That they know, inherently. I can help them learn the toughness, street smarts, etc. needed to make it through the world. Figuring out how what I teach them is refracted through the prism of being a minority – well, their on their own, well equipped, if you ask me.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 13th, 2007 at 8:47 pm and is filed under Race and Ethnicity, Family. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

The trackback URL for this entry is
http://www.blogenberg.com/2007/11/13/safe-shopping-for-a-boy-of-color/trackback/